Virtual Emotions
by Shinobi Saru Corp
Summary: Because when ShinRa has been the center of your life, you don't know about things like emoticons and their meanings.


**Disclaimer:** _Neither Okami nor Ryuu own any of FFVII. We just write about the places, stories, and characters within said game and have tons of fun in the process!_  
**Rating K+****: **_For one very mild cuss word and be__cause pretty much anyone can read_ _this!_  
**Summary: **_Because when ShinRa has been the center of your life, you don't know about things like emoticons and their meanings._

**A/N:** What started as a Facebook conversation with one of my great friends (otherwise known as Ryuu on here) evolved into the story you are about to read. Because most of the conversations within this story will be through a chat system, this story has a sort of messaging format. I did my best to make it as readable as possible, so hopefully it's easy enough to follow along and understand!

Hope you enjoy it and thanks for taking the time to read! :)  
-Okami

* * *

**Virtual Emotions  
**

**Chapter One:** Theoretically Smiling

**Written by:** Okami and Ryuu of Shinobi Saru Corp

* * *

_As of today, ShinRa Electric Power Company has decided to implement a new chat system within each computer at ShinRa HQ. This will allow all ShinRa employees to communicate at a much faster, more efficient pace. Please make sure you sign in to your new chat system after you receive this message._

_With much thanks,  
ShinRa and Co. _

Sephiroth closed his inbox before resting his chin on top of his gloved hands. He was ticked, and it wasn't ShinRa's obsession with using their own name in almost every sentence that had caused this great irritation.

_The chat system_. Oh how he railed against it! The moment Lazard had made mention of it Sephiroth knew that it would be his utter and complete demise. How was one supposed to work when messages are constantly coming up out of nowhere? Silence and peace were necessities for efficient work; shouldn't this simple concept be understood by the owners of the world's largest company?

The silverette eyed the chat icon on his home page suspiciously. Apparently _logic _wasn't one of ShinRa's strong suits.

Like any other obedient SOLDIER, Sephiroth reluctantly opened the program and began the process of signing himself in. The system asked him a few, monotonous questions - what's your name, what's your position at ShinRa, what's your employee ID - which he habitually filled out. Thinking he was finished, the General scrolled over to the exit button when one last, unexpected question popped up onto the screen.

"What is my chat ID?" Sephiroth mouthed aloud, momentarily confused as to what the question was asking. He had used chat systems before and was familiar with their format, but this concept was rather new to him.

During his previous chat usage, his identification had already been decided, leaving him to settle with the dull 'UserX' title. But now, he had the option - he had the choice to give himself whatever title he pleased. The choices were endless. He could double as the 'Great Hero', he could be the 'Savior of Worlds', he could be-

_Thank you _General Sephiroth. _for joining ShinRa's online chat system! Enjoy your chatting! _

The words ran across the screen in bold, black letters. General Sephiroh._ - _the silverette even had the OCD to stick a period at the end of it.

Thinking he had completed this small assignment, Sephiroth scanned the settings for the offline option when a loud _bleep _caused his eyes to refocus on the bottom of the screen.

2:58pm  
**Hero of the Goddess **

_Greetings!_

Immediately recognizing who it was, a long sigh escaped the General's lips while he inwardly cursed himself for his slowness. Where was that offline button?

3:00pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess. We seek it thus and take to the sky... This is, of course, referring to the new chat system._

The offline option appearing to be nonexistent, Sephiroth exited out of the chat system and put his PC's volume on mute, silencing any further notifications in an attempt to begin his work in peace.

3:01pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_General? You're supposed to write back._

_Hey! Guess who I am! Guess guess guess guess!_

Notifications now noiselessly popping up onto the bottom of his screen, the lines in Sephiroth's brow deepened. Apparently exiting out of the program didn't stop the messages from appearing. Rather irritated at his predicament, the General quickly re-opened the chat tab, this time searching the settings for an option to turn the notifications off. If he couldn't go offline then he should at least be able to stop the pop-ups, right?

Nothing.

Horrified, the General scanned through the multiple options again, his panic ever-increasing as he began to realize his fate.

There was no offline option nor was there any way to stop the notifications - he wasn't even given the choice to properly log off of the monstrous system. ShinRa was apparently hell-bent on getting their employees to chat with one another, or rather in Sephiroth's case, be annoyed to the point of computer dismemberment.

It was too late for the famed General; he sealed his demise the moment he had decided to sign into the wretched program. And to top things off, the person on the other end of the line was none other than Genesis Rhapsodos, further implying that a stream of messages was destined to come Sephiroth's way.

He was doomed; may his sanity and all those who decide to walk into his office rest in peace.

3:10pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_I have work to do, Rhapsodos._

3:10pm  
**Hero of the**** Goddess**

_Rhapsodos? I'm not Rhapsodos. I'm The Hero, it says right in my chat ID. And communication is more important than work._

_Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds..._

_So beautiful!_

3:11pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_Again, I have work to do, and unlike yourself, I actually try to make my reports sound decent. So if you wouldn't mind..._

3:11pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_My reports are just detailed. How was I supposed to know that Lazard didn't really want to know what I found floating in the sewers?! _

3:12pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_I don't have the time to waste on this. _

Just then, an idea sprung into the General's mind. In order to make a horrid situation somewhat productive, perhaps he could use this time to decipher some of those virtual icons which he had seen in e-mails and other, various online places. Knowing the meaning of such icons would be useful, especially when interpreting the messages people sent to him. And, lucky for him, the only person the silverette knew who was an expert in such _trivial _information was the _'Hero of the Goddess'_ - an unlikely yet currently unavoidable candidate for the General's assistance.

3:13pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_Actually, I have a rather important question for you._

3:13pm  
**Hero of the**** Goddess**

_Whut? _

3:14pm  
**General Sephiroth. **

_What are these icons that people use? I see them quite often in emails from coworkers or on other online sites. At first I thought they were the revelation of people's bad understanding of punctuation, but after some thought, and since they are so widely used, I think they might actually serve some purpose. Since you are... rather good with these things, might you tell me what they are?_

3:16pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_..._

_...Are you by chance referring to emoticons? _

3:16pm  
**General Sephiroth. **

_Is that what they are called? Strange..._

3:17pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_They're icons that represent emotions. They look like little faces - do you seriously not know this?_

3:17pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_No, I was not aware of this trivial matter; however now that I know what they are, I must be getting on._

3:18pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_Sephy, you're kinda weird! And stupid! ^.^_

The General glared at the screen, not so much at the demeaning words as the strange symbol at the end of the message. Was that an '_emoticon', _as Genesis had put it? He hadn't seen an icon quite like it before so there was a chance that Rhapsodos had just made it up to confuse him, but either way Sephiroth's curiosity was piqued. So much so that he even replied without giving a moment's thought to the crimson SOLDIER's use of his abhorred nickname.

3:19pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_What is... What is '^.^' ?  
_

3:19pm  
**Hero of the Goddess **

_I can't believe this! You really don't know what emoticons are!_

3:19pm  
**General Sephiroth **

_Just tell me Rhapsodos! _

3:20pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_It's... it's like happy, closed eyes. And a cute little nose._

Sitting back in his chair, Sephiroth blinked a couple of times as he attempted to picture the crimson SOLDIER making such a strange expression. Genesis, of course, was a unique case, but did people honestly make such faces while chatting online?

Sephiroth began typing in his next message. The human race is quite bizarre indeed.

3:22pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_And you made that face?_

3:22pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_Not... really. But I thought that face. I felt like that face. That face communicates my mood well, which is what emoticons are_ for.

3:22pm  
**General Sephiroth. **

_So it's all theoretical then?_

3:22pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_Well, virtual might be a better word, but yeah._

3:23pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_Hm. So what are some more of these icons of emotion?_

3:23pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_To list a few... :) :( -.- ^.^ (-.-) D:_

3:24pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_:) ?_

3:24pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_It's a smiley-face!_

Sephiroth could practically hear the eye-roll and the implied _'no duh!'_ in that message.

3:25pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_So if I do this ':)' then I am theoretically smiling?_

3:25pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_Basically, yes.  
_

3:26pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_:)_

3:26pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_Good for you, Sephiroth. The computer is helping you to express emotion._

3:27pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_Theoretically speaking, yes._

3:27pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_*sigh* What am I gonna do with you? *flicks hair*_

3:27pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_You are going to do absolutely nothing. Unless, of course, you are going to watch as I use these icons of emotion.  
_

The General scanned his keyboard, attempting to find some combination of keystrokes that would represent one of the few icons of emotion he had seen before. Thinking he found a decent one, the silverette typed:

3:28pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_See, now I am squinting (-.-) Though I don't understand why someone would want to express such an emotion..._

3:28pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_Good Gaia Sephiroth! Squinting isn't_ _an emotion! (-_-.-)

3:29pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_What's wrong with your eye? Is there a bug on your face?_

3:29pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_I'm exasperated, you cretin!_

3:30pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_How does a bug on your face show that you are exasperated. I do not understand. Is that a new icon of emotion?_

3:30pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_It's not a bug on my face!_

3:30pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_Then what is it?_

3:30pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_Um. Hang on. I have to think how to explain it._

3:32pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_It's like I'm closing my eyes and turning my head a little because I just can't put up with you anymore._

3:32pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_But you have a dash by your eye._

3:33pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_You're supposed to pretend that that's all one long dash!_

_It's the angle of my head as I turn away in disgust!_

3:33pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_I suppose that makes... some sense...  
_

3:33pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_You have no imagination! Yeesh._

3:36pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_0:-)_

_What is that?_

_Tell me._

3:38pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_..._

3:38pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_I found it online yesterday and am lost as to its explanation._

3:39pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_It's a smiley face with a halo, stupid._

_And have you seriously been looking this stuff up online?  
_

3:39pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_A halo? That's... bizarre..._

_And no, I have not been looking this 'stuff' up online. It was on my fansite, which I am required by ShinRa to update once a week. _

3:40pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_Yes. A halo. Like that funny little disk you see above holy people's heads in old paintings._

_HAHAHAHAHA! _

3:40pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_...What, may I ask, is so funny?_

3:41pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_Someone put that smiley on your fansite?!_

3:41pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_Yes. Though I hardly know why._ _According to your definition of the icon of emotion, perhaps__ they think I am holy?_

3:42pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_... Sure._

3:42pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_I do not understand those people. Why do they insist on making me a fansite in the first place?_

3:43pm  
**Hero of the Goddess **

_Because ShinRa is a lean, mean propaganda machine._

3:43pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

___(-_-.-)

3:43pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_Don't you make that face at me! Your don't even know what it means!_

_*You. That typo never happened, alright?_

3:44pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_You told me what it means. That is me looking away at you in utter disgust.  
_

_And it did happen and I shall never forget it._

3:45pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_..._

_I REFUSE TO GIVE UP MY GRAMMAR SNOTZIE CROWN! YOU ARE TO NEVER EVER, EVER REPEAT THAT INCIDENT!_

3:45pm  
**General Sephiroth.  
**

_Are you yelling at me?_

3:45pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_YES!_

3:46pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_Strange. For some reason, I can't seem to hear you..._

3:46pm

**Hero of the Goddess **

_..._

_I'M MESSAGING YOU, YOU IDIOT!_

3:47pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_Then why bother typing in all caps? It serves no purpose._

_You just appear to be a young boy who doesn't know how to turn the caps lock off._

3:47pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

BECAUSE I AM YELLING AT YOU! AND I KNOW PERFECTLY WELL HOW TO TURN THE CAPS LOCK OFF, DON'T INSULT ME!

3:48pm  
**General Sephiroth.**

_But I don't hear you yelling at me... In fact I highly doubt that you are speaking any of the things you are sending me._

3:48pm**  
Hero of the Goddess **

_I AM VIRTUALLY YELLING AT YOU! I am speaking through writing._

_Heathen._

Sephiroth sighed. It had been almost an hour since Rhapsodos has started this frivolous chatting session and the silverette had learned little to nothing about the art of online messaging other than how to theoretically smile and express the rather useless 'squinting' emotion (though, now that he thought about it, the icon of 'looking away in disgust' that Genesis had showed him might be useful at times).

Glancing over at his task list for the day, the General began typing his farewell message to the crimson SOLDIER. He had humored Rhapsodos's inclination to chat, so perhaps the dramatist would leave him alone for a bit. Sephiroth's finger hovered over 'enter' key when an unexpected text bleeped onto the bottom of the screen.

3:51pm  
**Mr. Awesome**

_HELLO! I'M HERE! _

_Is this like a group chat thing or am I just talking to no one?_

_HELLOOOO?_

Shock. Horror. Disbelief.

Sephiroth had been so irked by Rhapsodos that he hadn't even stopped to consider that this was a _group _chat. It would make since, after all, as this system had been created for all of ShinRa's employees...

The General's heart stopped.

All. ShinRa. Employees.

A loud, rarely expressed groan escaped the General's lips. Though he highly doubted it existed, he desperately hoped there was an option to clear all of the chat history. Of course, no one would dare speak ill of him to his face, but if anyone - which in this case counted as most everyone - happened to read through his conversation with Rhapsodos, he was certain that he would be the center of everyone's jokes for at least a month.

3:53pm  
**Mr. Awesome**

_Ohhh! Hello General Sephiroth, Hero of the Goddess! _

_Umm, Sephiroth... why is there a dot at the end of your username? _

3:55pm  
**Mr. Awesome**

_Aha... HAHAHAHAHA! _

_You two are weird! And Sephiroth, this (-.-) isn't a squinting emoticon! _

3:56pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_HA! Oh dear Gaia! Zack, is that you?!_

_And don't burst the great General's little bubble. It'll break his wittle heart. _

Sephiroth planted his face into his desk, never wishing to remove it. For some odd reason, the surface of his desk felt rather nice at the moment.

3:57pm  
**Yo!**

_Seems like you all have been busy. Leave it to the SOLDIERs to play around and waste time!  
_

_WHAT?! Why is my username 'Yo!' ?! _

3:57pm  
**Hero of the Goddess**

_You chose it, you blockhead! _

3:58pm  
**Yo! **

_No! I thought I was supposed to type and send my first message as a sort of tutorial thing! Not pick my username!  
_

_Dang it... Think there's anyway to change it? _

3:59pm  
**Hero of the Goddess **

_I highly doubt it. ShinRa isn't that generous. _

4:00pm  
**Yo!**

_Well crap_

4:00pm  
**Mr. Awesome**

_This is so cool! _

4:01pm  
**Yo! **

_Shut up Zack! _

_Now how do I turn this thing off?_

4:02pm  
**Hero of the Goddess **

_...No one knows...XD  
_

From his implanted position on his desk, Sephiroth lifted his eyes to watch the messages quickly scroll up the screen. There seemed to be no end to them as more and more people began to sign on and jump into the never ceasing conversation. In one quick motion, the General got up, pulled the plug on his computer, and grabbed his paper work. It looked like he would have to write everything by hand for a while; but first, he needed to make an important stop by Lazard's office.

An offline option was desperately needed.

* * *

**AN:** Hullo, Ryuu here! Hope you enjoyed the insanity! Just FYI, though I did Genesis, Okami did just about everything else, so she gets most of the credit ^.^ Most of the chatting between Genesis and Sephiroth we did over Facebook, and it was highly entertaining, like a bizarre version of role-playing! That typo issue Genesis had was genuine, I hit the wrong letter. Brilliant, I know.

We have grand plans for the future of this story...*manical chuckling*

Please leave a review and tell us what you think! All feedback shall be carefully considered, even if we discard it afterwards! :P

What do _you_ think that -.- means? Gene-um, _I_ had trouble putting it into words.


End file.
